Outline for Conversation Attunement
1. Preparation
- Speaker: Prepare to discuss your feelings clearly and calmly, focusing on the issue, not the person.
- Listener: Set aside distractions and be ready to give your full attention.
2. Initiation
- Speaker: Start with a soft or neutral opening to avoid triggering defensiveness.
- Listener: Show openness through body language and verbal affirmations.
3. Expression
- Speaker: Use “I” statements to express feelings and needs.
- Tips: Be specific about the situation and your emotional response.
- Listener: Listen actively, showing empathy and trying to understand the speaker’s perspective without interrupting.
4. Clarification**
- Speaker: Clearly state what changes you hope to see.
- Listener: Ask questions if clarification is needed to fully understand the issue.
5. Validation
- Listener: Acknowledge the speaker’s feelings and perspective, even if you have a different view.
- Tips: Use phrases like “I see,” “I understand,” “It makes sense you feel that way.”
6. Response
- Listener: Respond to the issue by sharing your perspective and feelings using “I” statements.
- Speaker: Listen to the response with the same level of attention and openness.
7. Resolution
- Both: Collaborate to find a practical solution or compromise.
- Both: Confirm understanding and agreement on the solution.
8. Closure
- Both: Express appreciation for the discussion and the effort made to communicate and understand each other.
Sample Conversation Illustration
Alex (Speaker): Hey Jamie, can we talk about something small that’s been bothering me? It’s about the toilet paper roll.
Jamie (Listener): Sure, what’s up?
Alex: I’ve noticed that sometimes when the toilet paper runs out, the roll isn’t replaced. I feel frustrated when I go to use the bathroom and find there’s no toilet paper. It makes me feel like I’m not being considered.
Jamie: I see, I didn’t realize it was causing you frustration. Thanks for letting me know.
Alex: Yeah, I’d really appreciate it if we could both make sure to check and replace the roll if it’s low. It’s a small thing but it helps a lot.
Jamie: I understand. I’m sorry for not noticing that. I’ll definitely make sure to check and replace the roll. Is there anything else we can do to make it easier?
Alex: Maybe we can keep some extra rolls in a basket by the toilet? That way it’s easy for anyone to grab one if needed.
Jamie: That’s a great idea. I’ll make sure to stock it up. Thanks for bringing this up and explaining how you felt.
Alex: Thank you for listening and understanding. I really appreciate it.
Jamie: Anytime. I’m glad we could talk about it.
